Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
