The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
