we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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