Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
