someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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