On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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