Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
