is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing