your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍