I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for