Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.