I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets