you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst