hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
