turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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