the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
