i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
