You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
