so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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