Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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