Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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