I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
