I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
