i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She bit a glass in half.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
