You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm too high and old for this...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
