My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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