just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
