in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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