rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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