My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
