Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
