I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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