My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
