break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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