Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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