i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
