would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
