this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
