You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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