Non-Jews are for practice
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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