Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was