I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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