Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
