david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
