These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize