Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
