OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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