Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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