I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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