you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
