just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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