she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
