I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
