I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Use "feeling words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him