She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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