i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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