This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
