its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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