he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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