we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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