I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
