were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
