You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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