Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Randomize
