how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
